renfys

I was doing well, and I had really gotten a good 2.5k on a fanfic done with an end in sight when I ended up in the hospital. 

You all know why but it you missed it, basically my gall bladder was necrotic.

I'm trying to get back into it all without overdoing it, I'm not back at work yet (this week or next week hopefully) but I'm determined to finish this fic and write some more on my queer lady of the lake so I can start a new Welsh myth to queer up.

I'd like to write three or four of these queer re-telling of Welsh myths and try to get them published by one the Welsh presses. 

Dream big right?

How are your writing goals going?

Anna grabs Recky’s hand, spotting her friend as soon as she enters the storeroom between their two departments. She pulls her down behind the grey metal boxes as she walks past. Recky’s shoulder connects with one sharp corner and she hisses, goes to complain until Anna presses her finger to her lips, covering Recky’s mouth at the same time. Recky’s hands go wide, pulling away, only to smack her head on the edge of the box. She goes to swear, the sound muffled beyond recognition by Anna’s hand.

Dizzy, she manages to pry Anna’s fingers from her mouth and gives her a pointed look. Anna shakes her head and points over the box to the other side of the cargo bay. Recky shuffles around on her knees and peaks over the box.

Over by the walls, hidden in shadows, their two supervisors deep in conversation.

She wants to say something but even though they can’t hear what the two people are saying, it doesn’t mean Anna and Recky can’t be heard in return. Especially seeing as her own supervisor Alvis is Canaren and can hear much better than humans. She’s surprised they can’t hear them already given the noise Recky made hitting her head. She doesn’t want to spy, but she’s aware now that they’re here, tucked into the corner, they’re stuck until the two are done.

She can’t imagine what they’re talking about, not standing as close as they are, down in the bowels of the complex. The two are friends, certainly, but she’s not known either of them to really spend much time with each other. They’re in different departments, but then, perhaps like she and Recky, they knew each other before they joined the complex.

She isn’t sure, Canarens aren’t really sharers.

Recky is grinning though, seeing something in their conversation she is missing. She’s desperate to ask her what she thinks, what she knows, but keeps her mouth shut.

Eventually, she sees for herself.

Recky’s supervisor is human, like them, a tall lithe man that Anna definitely does not have a crush on. Nor is Devon the reason she spends her tea break with Recky’s department rather than her own. Not at all. When he bends over, down to Alvis, she’s confused, until they shift slightly into the starlight coming through the viewport and she sees their faces clearly for the first time.

They’re kissing.

Recky is grinning, wild wide eyes and turns to Anna and winks.

Anna glances at her, opens her mouth to say something before, looking back at Devon and Alvis whose lips are moving slow, their hands following the lean lines of each other’s bodies. She shifts for a better look, hissing when she kneels on a screw.

Recky chuckles, rubbing the back of her head, then flops down on the floor suddenly. Anna looks back over at the two supervisors and sees them looking their way. She ducks down too, trying to squeeze herself further into the corner. The two of them wait, listening to the hum of the station as it maintains it’s orbit and finally, finally, the light footsteps approaching them.

Recky sucks in a breath, Anna closes her eyes.

A shadow passes by them, then another. The door opens with a swish and she dares to open her eyes for a moment. Recky is no longer grinning but when both Alvis and Devon leaves, she smiles again and Anna lets out a long huff of air the moment the door closes.

They look at one another, unsure what to say and Recky scrambles to her feet first, helping Anna out of the corner and cramped condition she’s in. She opens her mouth the say something but this time Recky puts a finger over her mouth and shakes her head. Anna nods, there’s a reason the two met this deep in the complex after all she supposes.

After a few beats, they link arms and head out the door themselves.

----------------------------

Contest on writing.com: write a story under 700 words with no dialogue. Prompts was secrets.

I’m going to try and put together my thoughts on Writer’s Apathy vs Writer’s Block.

I’ve always considered Writer’s Block to be the inability in knowing what to write. For me it’s not knowing what to write, what words to write next, being stuck – whether it’s stuck on the plot, paragraph or a word. It’s about not having ideas. Whether those ideas are at the start, middle or end of a project. Writer’s Block is about being stuck. It’s in the name. Writer’s Block. Whatever it is in your brain that creates your words and worlds is being blocked and you are unable to create.

I tend to suffer more from Writer’s Apathy.

Writer’s Apathy is more about not wanting to write even though you know what to write.

I am full of ideas. They’re spilling me at the moment and I’m as prolific as I ever have been in terms of writing. In the second half of 2018, I wrote forty-eight fanfics and eight original pieces. I still have counted how many poems I wrote last year, though I tend to write the most of them during NaPoWriMo and OctPoWriMo.

I’m writing a lot right now.

Between July 2017 and July 2018, I didn’t write any fiction. I kept my blog – Queer Little Family – up and wrote some personal essays but no fiction. And I had plenty of ideas, most of which just got shelved until I started writing fiction again. The ideas are always there.

The desire to write them is not.

Sometimes I just can’t write. But not because there is a block or I’m stuck. It’s because I don’t want to write. I don’t care enough to write. The dictionary definition of apathy is “lack of interest, enthusiasm, or concern,” and this definitely sums up my feelings sometimes.

Writer’s Apathy is a lack of interest in writing despite the fact that you love it. Despite the fact that you are a writer. It can be all encompassing and you lose enthusiasm for all writing, every genre and fandom you normally write for. Or it can be specific. For the last couple of months, I lost all interest in writing for Queer Little Family despite the fact I have spent three years building it up to be a relatively small but successful blog. I just didn’t care and it’s only recently I’ve been posting there again and making the effort. The same goes for the lack of fiction and fanfiction last year.

There are different layers to it, different reasons why I have lost interest or enthusiasm on any given day. It’s definitely tied to my depression. Much like my depression and anxiety, there is often no reason why I just don't want to write. Even though at night I’m mulling the ideas over in my head to the point I can’t sleep or daydreaming fanfiction on the bus to work. Actually sitting down to write is just more than I can take on some days.

The blank page, the blinking cursor, they’re all synonymous with both Writer’s Block and Writer’s Apathy. Both taunt and torture. But with Writer’s Block there is desire but no words, with Writer’s Apathy there are words but no desire.

I’ve had people say they think they suffer from Writer’s Apathy too whenever I mention it but I’ve never really explained what that meant, or at least what it means to me. I hope this helps and it certainly helped sort through the thoughts in my head.

Perhaps Writer’s Block isn’t what you're suffering from right now? Perhaps it’s Writer’s Apathy.

I was making writer badges for my store and turned one into a postcard, which I think may be a slightly threatening thing to get through the post lol. I do have the small versions of the writer ones for badges/icons which I will post but here is what I've put up on the shop so far. If anyone has any requests let me know.

I want to do some reading/book quotes too on another base.

I plan to post my word count weekly, we'll see how it goes. If you're not interested feel free to block the tag ren's word count 

I'm using Tryslora awesome word tracking speadsheet, and the target is based on writing 200,000 words.

This is my speadsheet for the first week:

The fics
Urban fairy fic - 2953 words - unfinished

Josephine/F!Trevelyan drabble - 305 words - finished (patreons only)

Josephine/F!Hawke - 758 - unfinished

She-Ra Ficlet - 479 words - finished - early access on patreon - public next week.

Blog Post - 868 - Finished @ Queer Little Family

I am about 1500 words ahead of my target, which is nice. It may last, I just write every evening after I put my kids to bed, it may not, I have depression. 

I'm still trying to figure out if there are any actual Josephine/Hawke fics out there. And I know the formatting on this post may be a little messed up. It bugs me that I can't see the code to edit it, so I might copy and paste from my dreamwidth next week instead of the other way around.

How is everyone else doing?

I'll be posting some of these that are public to A03 and the like over the course of the next couple of weeks.